Yearning to be home

This semester is turning out to be quite strange. I somehow don't feel half at-home here this time as I did in the last one. It can't be the homesickness and it can't be the still-shopping-for-courses because all of that is set now. It might be because of everything that's lined up for the next few months. I don't know really. But I don't feel like I'm really here....

Today is div's engagement. I should be in Delhi right now. Gearing up for my best friend's big day. The chaos and raunak of a typical Punjabi wedding - the extended family, the food, the flowers and lights and colors and noise ... I just spoke to her. I had to disconnect twice before the call went through because I just started crying. Sitting in my room, thinking of how long we've known each other for, what all we've been through and how, now, she's finally getting married. My sweet, kind, chocoholic friend .... I can only hope that the beast keeps her happy and smiling forever. What wouldn't I give to be there with her right now.

It's these kind of moments that matter in the end right? I mean, I won't even remember all the stupid classes because of which I can't leave from here .... yet I'll always remember that I never left. I feel terrible about it. Mostly because I know if it were my big day, I would want her to be there with me. Throughout.

This just hasn't been my week I guess. And I have no one to talk to.

Home n all that

In the past two odd months I have often thought of writing something here. But for some reason I never really got around to doing it.

I've been home now for almost a month. It's been perfect. Well ok so not quite, but even then. I don't know what it is about home that just feels so right and safe ...it's just unconditionally there, know what I mean?

I've met the whole entire family. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, niece and nephew and this time the hugs felt a little more special. Ofcourse my baba and naani are still concerned that their grand-daughter might just end up all alone (and thus by some extrapolation, lonely). Ma asked me about the lambu and everything that had happened. Cousins have been asking me if I 'like someone there' :) I have to admit, as much as it all bugs me, I'm glad to be back in the familiar. The roads and markets. The awful traffic! The food! Oh the food. Spend two weeks in Kerala and all I did was eat, eat and eat some more. It's ironic, considering how I try to be careful of what all I eat in Ith. Here though, I feel completely free. And my lovely kurtas, so good to be in something apart from sweatshirts!

It's strange though, how in many small ways I've changed a lot in the last six months. I didn't consciously feel it happen to me. But here, it's been nagging me almost every day! It's confusing. I feel it in my reactions to things people say, in my reaction to things my own friends say ... it's like I've moved on to a different point in the atmosphere and suddenly I have disconnected from a whole bunch of people who, in many ways, I grew up with. I also have almost zero patience for social propriety now. Not that I could ever brag about it earlier, but now I just feel impatient and it's all I could do to not voice it out loud.

The US though can really spoil you. What with it's efficient public services. And the central heating. Damn I actually found myself missing that! How lame is that, isn't it? But well... I'm human, what else can I say in my defense.

RG gets home by the end of this month. I'm glad he'll be here to take the parents' mind off my departure. Another thing I realised was just how many people my life is linked to. Especially my parents. And I think I began to forget it (or chose to not think about it) while I was back at the big red. But when I see my parents and see just how happy it makes them to have me back in the house, I feel terrible about all those times when I could have just given them a call but didn't (and actually convinced myself that I was busy). My baba, amma and naani were delighted to see me - in a way that only grandparents can be. And ma reminded me I'm lucky to have it in my life. I had to agree with her. Which is another thing, I think I've finally outgrown the time where I would subconsciously question every bit of wisdom ma tried to pass on to me! I have accepted what Calvin once said .....you don't get to be mom for nothing! :p

OK so I realise this post is turning out to be extremely random. But with just two more days left in Dilli, my mind is running in ten different directions already. Do i need to buy anything, what all do i pack, telling myself to not break down at the airport this time, how cold will it be in Ith, I'll need to do groceries, i still haven't read a page for my TA course, i wish i had more time here, trying to give myself reasons to look forward to campus, do I take up squash or kick-boxing this semester....n what not! I'm a girl and so I'm not going to apologise for this :D

Alright, so onto love ...being home, and in my city, a lot of times I was reminded of the lambu, especially the places we went to. Anyhow I told myself (not for the first time) that I didn't do anything wrong. I mean, really, i didn't! The past semester I blocked it all out of my mind ...or rather, it was easy for me to not think about it. But anyway what I've realized now is that it takes guts to love someone. With everything you've got. And to tell them that. To be able to open your heart, and life to another person and not hold back and just accept them for what they are - that takes courage. And I did it. And I know now that I'll do it again. I'll probably get hurt again too, but nothing could be worse than not giving it a shot at all. Ok, so I'm sure there will be moments when I will re-read this bit and think to myself what rubbish! what on earth was i thinking when I wrote it! :) But I'm allowed to have such moments. Any number of times. All the time till I meet someone who will appreciate my kindness and love me and my jhola & kurtas & sneakers and 32 watt grin to pieces :D

(If it sounds like I'm bragging, so be it)

Bring it on world, I'm ready. Once again.

What is it about some memories that makes them harder to forget than others? So, I fell for a guy about a year back. So, it didn't work out. What is it about the whole episode that keeps coming back to me? The fact that a year back I thought we/I had it all? That we were these two amazingly perfect people who had everything going for them? And that, at the time I couldn't for the life of me figure out why we didn't work out?

It's been months since then. I know I've moved on, and so has he. I feel nothing now, when I think of him. Ok, so that's a lie :) I do still feel bad, let down and sometimes sad for no real reason. But I am convinced that it would have anyway never lasted for too long. So then why do snippets of that time come back to me, and make me wonder...

It doesn't help that suddenly I find myself without too much workload :p I guess I've used that as a shield for all these months. I'm glad for it though.

But tonight, I feel like I did when he left. Like I'm all alone, with no one to talk. Like my heart's breaking, all over again. I wish I were home, with my ma. I wish I were anywhere but here.

I was a mess today morning. I just kept crying the whole time. Then I pushed myself to go out to the mall here. It was nice. Well, we got a whole load of freebies, including some very essential ones :D :D

Came back and I just broke down again. I couldn't help myself.

I then had to decide whether or not to go for this dept picnic we were having today. Spoke to a few people, who apparently had decided not to go. I almost didn't go. But something told me it would be better than sitting in my room and becoming even more miserable. So I went. And it was really nice. It was at a prof's place. Which was in the middle of nowhere. You could see the cayuga lake in the distance, and friendly green trees, and people, all around. And tons of food. I found myself laughing, genuinely, for the first time in a few days. Met alot of new people, had conversations with a few I'd met before. It was nice.

Some of us then got a ride back to campus to go for a get-together for new indian students. That was nice too! To meet your own kind and praise/crib/b**** about anything and everything, was nice. There was food and drinks. And punjabi and hindi music. Which I heard after more than a month. So I found myself singing along, and dancing to songs which I would have otherwise hated.

I realised that such days will come again. I know they will. But I know now that it's upto me, to let them get to me. Or to try to get out of it. It's not easy. But I guess like everything else, that's what makes it worth it.

I woke up today morning. Minus the headache and tears. I thought I would be ok. Then I spoke to my dad. He asked me how the weekend was, what all we did. I know he was trying, in his own way, to make me feel better, but it didn't help. I was back in a pool of tears.

Then we began watching Parenthood which is this adorable programme on TV. And so this one guy gives a slip of paper to this girl. She opens it and it says 'Will you go out with me?' Then is has three options below - yes, no, maybe. That one scene reminded me of him. again.

I now have to take a bath. My aunt told my cousins to take me out for lunch. I can't believe how sweet they all are being about this. But I don't want to go. I look at my clothes and remember how I spent hours agonising about what to wear when he was around. The footbridge behind their house will remind me of how he held me, right in the middle of it and teased me about wanting him dead. And then how we walked to the other side, sat down and talked. Or tried to.

It hurts so much. I wish I could just erase some of those memories. But then again, some of them do make me smile. I know he didn't do any of this intentionally. But it hurts more than what his hugs, calls and emails can fix right now. I'm glad we'll be friends. I know what it's like to go down this road and lose a friend in the process. But right now... I just wish he was here.

(couldn't) save tonight

I knew this day would come. I just wish it had happened a month back. Rather, I wish I had accepted it earlier. The lambu was here for the weekend. It was beautiful :) Till we sat down to talk business ....turns out we're just going to have to be ok with being friends. I had imagined this conversation a few hundred times in my head. But when it came down to it, I couldn't say a word to him. I wanted to scream, curse, hit him, question him, try to convince him that maybe we wouldn't end up being in as big a soup as he thinks we will. But I just couldn't get the words out. I couldn't. And I couldn't hold back my tears. I swear I tried, like crazy. But I just couldn't.

I felt really alone at that moment. All I wanted was to be back home with my parents. No one else. And I was reminded of that moment at the airport when I had said goodbye to them. I don't know what hurt more.

I came home here and mausi sat down with me. 'What is it about him that makes you feel he is the one?' she asked me. I just smiled and shrugged. How am I supposed to answer that question? That I break into a smile everytime I see him? That everything feels right when I'm with him? I feel safe when he holds my hand, and warm when he hugs me? That I trust him no matter what? That he's always in my thoughts & prayers? How he looks out for me? Or how he does these small small things when I least expect them and how I can't even begin to describe how awesomely special it makes me feel? I don't know what it is about him that makes me feel he is the right one. Maybe I'm wrong. Then again, maybe I'm not. I guess I'll never know.

I've been putting off writing this post for a long long time. Can't hold it in any longer I guess :(

The last few weeks have been simply exhausting. To the point where if someone mentions the words 'shopping' or 'lets meet sometime' I automatically say a 'no'. I have no energy left to think of a day, time and place that would be mutually convenient. Plus the heat wave acts as a natural deterrent.

I've said my goodbyes. To friends. Family. Family friends (and I realised they are more family than friends - something I didn't admit to earlier). I've eaten all my favourite foods everywhere I went. I've received some really nice presents too. I've been hugged and kissed a zillion times and been wished goodluck, do well, take care of yourself.

The thing is, this whole leaving-home process really makes you realise just how many people and places and things make up your life. I've been trying to squeeze mine into a few weeks and I still have a long list of people who I know I won't get to meet in time. That makes me sad.

I'm done with all the shopping and in a day or two the bags should be packed. I know once I reach there, all the new stuff I have will not matter. The clothes, shoes and whatnot will not be half as nice as all of my old stuff put together back home.

My parents are having a tough time too. The whole letting-go process. Mom's been way too hyper (emotionally and otherwise). Dad's barely saying anything these days. It's draining at times, to be able to talk to them while keeping everything light and funny and convincing them that they'll be ok. That I'll be ok.

Actually it's the grandparents also. hmm ... I find it amusing though, how my grandfather always gives me this one piece of warning - 'shikaayat nahin aani chahiye wahan se' (they shouldn't complain about you there) - I got to hear this when I was in school. Then when I joined college. Even when I began to work! And now again ... :)

But the truth is, I'm very scared too. I know I have people there for me, and a whole lot of other resources and that I will be crazy busy sooner than later. But I'm still scared. I don't want to leave. My family. Grandparents. Home. City. Country. I'm going to miss so many things about this random insane infuriating country! The noise. The neem trees. The monsoons. The festivals. The people, my people. The monuments. The travels. Actually alot more. I just can't seem to write it all down right now.

I'm realising that maybe Aerosmith's 'Dont wanna miss a thing' was written & sung for such moments ... damn them.

You know how you suddenly have these moments of strength just when you thought everything has ended? Well I've just had mine. Ofcourse, I hope it will last beyond just tonight! But I know I will be ok. With the shift. With being alone. With having to make new friends. And TAing a class of 600! I guess it's true -

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Aaah heartbreak .... Why did you have to come back so soon? Why couldn't you have just stayed away and not brought back feelings that I thought I had buried inside of me forever?

It's strange really. I so badly want things to work out between him and me. And all this while I thought we had something going on. Which we did. But several oceans and continents between us had completely other plans I guess. I tried to hold on, even this time. But not for too long. I guess there's a reason they call it experience. I suppose I would have still stuck to it but something just did not seem right. This one tiny thing that he said. Well I suppose many tiny things but this one thing in particular. And a few that he left unsaid.

So here's to another round of missing-you, remembering you in so many ways and so many things, and wondering if I ever cross your mind, and resisting the urges to pick up the phone and dial your number. Here's to wondering whether or not I should delete all your texts, and the emails, the chats, the fb stuff ... and well the worst is having to eventually tell the friends (not right away) and tell ma you won't be there with me when I leave this time.

But well, I guess I'll live. I'm not the first one! Why couldn't someone have told me earlier that it wasn't meant to be?

Post-script

Just as I finish writing this, he says 'but for some reason this doesn't feel right' and I ask him what doesn't. He says 'not giving it a try'. I am too exhausted to react/respond.

'Like' iSaid

I've liked the lambu for sometime now. I mean, well, to be honest, I've liked him from day 1, but then there are different kinds of 'like' aren't there? :p

I'm surprised at myself really. I don't think I've ever put myself out there the way I have with this guy. It scares me at times you know. I feel really really vulnerable. Because somewhere he knows enough to probably break my heart one day. But at the same time I also feel a strange sense of comfort. That he knows enough for me to not have to pretend anything with him. My likes, dislikes, irrationality, moods - it's who I am and he knows it.

We talk alot. As much as is possible given the constraints of work/study, sleep and meals. Ma often asks me what we talk about. More often than not I find it difficult to be specific. Sometimes our conversations are fun and teasing. Sometimes they're so serious it's almost depressing! We disagree mostly. We are two very different people, so I'm not surprised. But I like those differences you know. I don't think they're the kinds that take away something from either of us. I feel they just complete the rest of us. But then, that's just me.

There's another reason why I enjoy myself with the lambu. Sometimes it's nice not to have to do everything on my own, it's a relief not to have to go through everything alone. It feels good to really be able to share the disappointments .... I can just say "it's not fair" and he'll let me be silent for a while. Or I can just ask him to shut up and he just rephrases whatever he was saying and I don't mind it so much then. He lets me be irrationally angry at the world and still talks to me after that as if I said nothing out of the ordinary. Yet I know he knows what I meant.

Ofcourse, the celebrations are just so much better with him around! Even though he's really far away, the way he tells me he's proud of me... it's the way only three other people in my life do.

Sometimes I wonder about it. I mean, c'mon, men really can't be like that, can they? :p

Sometimes I feel he's nearer than alot of my friends here. Is that weird?

Sometimes I wonder why it feels to good to be true.

Sometimes I also wonder if he feels the same way?

But whatever it is, I know I've found a best friend in him. I read somewhere that as a girl you're really lucky if you have one girl-best-friend. I guess I'm luckier then ... I have several girl best friends and now, the most awesome guy as one too.

Ofcourse this doesn't mean I love him or anything. Nope. Thank you very much but I am staying clear of that totally irrational, unexplainable, hopelessly impossible thing! :p

The lambu & I

This blog entry is about one of my most favourite people in the world.

I fought with the lambu. I'm always least proud of myself when I fight with him. Mainly because he's always been only the nicest to me. And still I fight with him. The thing is, it's not like I am consciously aware of even when the argument begins. As someone just said to me, "you never know what will anger him" ... So anyway we were just talking and then my internet stopped working and when it finally fixed itself a few hours later, I found a very cruel, very mean, very very cold mail from the lambu in my inbox. And see, that's the thing, I knew it wouldn't be pleasant. Still I read it. Again and again and again. I don't understand this implicit need to go on torturing myself! Also, with the lambu's e-mail's, it's like I'm reading an article for one of my lectures. At first when I read it, I only get the 'english' of it. Then I read it a few more times, and each time a little more of the context filters through to my understanding. So obviously by the time I was done getting all of it, I had experienced the entire gamut of emotions -

huh?!

wtf?!

excuse me but where did this email come from?

what does he think of himself?

fine we'll have it his way

does he think it's going to kill me? it's so not! I'll show him

no wait a minute, why should I listen to him in the first place

I am so not doing things his way!

Then I tried to draft a reply. And re-drafted it 7 times exactly. Then the internet stopped working again. I have no choice but to call it divine intervention. Because somewhere at the back of my mind I had been thinking of just sleeping over it. Which is what I did. Of course my sleep was very very disturbed, but that's better than sending out a reply which is all gibberish.

When I woke up, the internet was working again. So I log in to Gmail, quickly scan all the facebook updates in the inbox, just read the ones from him, which anyway were fairly non-threatening compared to the email of last night. I delete the rest of the updates, knowing they'll anyway show up on the Fb homepage. And get down to replying to that dratted email. By now, I'm mentally tired, and I have cried a few times. Still I send out 2-3 lines trying to sound all calm and composed and 'cool' with it all. Obviously I was anything but that. Still I sent that email. And then finished doing the daily rounds of Fb.

Back to the Gmail inbox, with that chat column on the left showing him online. I click on his name. And I begin to type. Then I get confused about what I want to say. Then a little bit of the ego comes in the way, why should I initiate this?! Then I close that window. And stare at his name again. Then after a while I take a deep breath, click again on his name, and being typing out my apologies. That then led to a conversation which is best left undisclosed. It brought up some very unexpected points and by the end of it I felt just so hurt (I mean, I know the guy was angry n all, but alot of what he said was totally uncalled for) that even my brain zoned out and all I could do was breathe.

So I breathed. Cried but only a little bit. The thing is, I know we fight, and that we disagree on more things that most people do. And that sometimes I do give him a hard time. But I've never thought it all this can beat us. And I still don't think so.

But then I guess that's just me ...

This is how you remind me...

(Wrote this sometime back. Don't know if this is the right time to put it out there, but I guess when in doubt, just do ...)

- a tiara

- you staying up the whole night when I got a reject from U**

- Delhi. Every single moment.

- the look on your face when you give in, just to let me have my way

- one dozen red roses

- big, warm bhaalu hugs

- momos

- A&F shirts

- gadgets

- 'save tonight'

- self control

- stripes

- you insisting you know more about Economics than me

- your patience every time I brought up the 'us' topic

- waking up in the middle of the night, to wake you up for your interviews

- never managing to hide anything from you

- making me laugh when I feel like crying

- me not being able to sleep a wink when you're pissed

- taking the word 'perceptive' to a whole new level

- the feeling I get when I hear your 'Heyy' when you call me at college

- trying to ask you to study for midterms when all I really want to do is talk instead

- you getting a job

- Twitter

- Levis jeans

- lots of photographs

- calvin & hobbes

- TED videos

- the moments you leave me speechless

- you asking how my day was

- me sharing anecdotes about my students' with you & you laughing at them

- Hidesign

- missing you like crazy when you fly

- missing you for no reason

- honesty

- fights

- resolving fights

- endless jokes

- differences

- feeling uncertain. scared even sometimes.

- hating to wake you up in the morning

- trusting you

- Re-reading our chats when you're asleep

- wanting to surprise you. Succeeding sometimes

- feeling shy

- pointless debates just to hear you laugh

- DDLJ ...someday

- wearing my hair down just because you like it

- knowing that you know me

.....etc ...etc ....etc

Post script -

- the last word

- egos

- timeframes

- big phonebills. for one of us

- 'The nicest thing'

- Books

- Compilers

- White shirts in particular

- hugs. a zillion times over.

- living with differences. Or trying to.

- West coast bad luck

- Cutting back. Time n again

etc ...etc ...etc

FYI, Mr.M

Dear Mr. M,

It was unexpected that I got to talk to you, but I guess somewhere I'm not surprised that the first thing she said to me was 'ok just talk to him...!'

D's one of my bestest friends, and I couldn't be happier if I tried! The two of you have definitely taken everyone by surprise, so much so that I almost pity the parents! Don't be taken in by her silence (actually, she and silent??! Since When?!) given that some of us have been hearing of you non-stop since what feels like forever now. And to think you were as gone as she is and the whole bunch of us couldn't figure it out and just took her word that apparently it's normal for you!

D deserves the best. I'm glad you've come into her life at this point of time. And I know things will work out the way you both want them to, at the right time & right place. Ofcourse we must still meet, can't spare her the teasing :p And I need to hear your end of the story too!

"What sort of nonsensical bakwaas is that?!"

Div likes a guy! Haha...Thank god, someone better than that loser ex-boyfriend of hers....

We obviously talked about it at length over coffee, popcorn and toast with butter & marmalade. This inspite of the fact that both of us were exhausted, me from the past three days of attending a crazy wedding, and she , well because she got drunk with the guy in question last night!

D - "So...how do I know if there's something happening?"

Me - "Umm...I think you should give it some time."

D - "How much time? ... When do I know it's enough time?"

Me - "Oh you'll know ..."

D - "So should I say something to him?"

Me - "umm...depends..."

D - "How will I know what to say to him?"

Me - "Umm...I think you'll just know"

D - - "What the hell is that supposed to mean?! What sort of nonsensical bakwaas is that?!?"

Well all I can say in my defense is, what else did she expect? :p

Next year is today

Love the Lambu!

Totally & Utterly!

C&H

Calvin: What's it like to fall in love?

Hobbes: Well... say the object of your affection walks by...

Calvin: Yeah?

Hobbes: First, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely. This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin until she leaves.

Calvin: THAT'S LOVE?!?

Hobbes: Medically speaking.

Calvin: Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!!

remember...

I have missed alot of people at different points of time in my life. Parents, when I was in the hostel, my friends from Mct when we shifted base to Del, S-C-P since we graduated, AB on numerous ocassions, RG when he was in the States, people I've gone on treks with, people I've worked/interned with.... I miss people fairly easily.

This time however the missing is almost as if someone has torn a part of me and taken it with themselves. There's a strange ache right from my heart to the pit of my tummy, and no matter how hard I try, I haven't been able to stop myself from crying. I know you had to leave, I've known it all along, there was no other way this could have been. Yet why can't I seem to stop saying 'I wish you weren't going away'... I know this won't kill me, and really its not as if you've died or something. But well I will miss being in the same time-zone as you, and how easy some things were because of it.

You've left me with a truckload of memories and I just don't know where to slot them in my mind/heart. I wouldn't exchange them for anything in the world. I do feel overwhelmed by it all.

And the curtains fall...

2009 has just flown by. Yet there are moments of it which will stay with me forever. Or for sometime to come!

I have grown as a person, I have regained the sense of self that had gotten lost over the past few years. I am proud of my work, of what I do, and of myself.

I have discovered new things about myself. How long I will be tolerant, how far I will be pushed, how much I can take before I fight back....

I've discovered emotions I never knew I could feel. I've been red & pink!

I have come to appreciate people around me, I've realised its never too soon to say what you really feel about someone (because sometimes it might just be too late). I'm regaining my faith in love. I know, at the same time, that I can survive the process of letting go, painful as it might seem.

2009 has made me stronger, wiser, a little more realistic, alot more accepting....and leaves me with new hopes & dreams for 2010.

Happy holidays!

So far...

It is turning out to be a magical december.

College has been at its most vibrant. December brings with it just the perfect weather to enjoy the city. The right mix of sunshine and a slight nip in the air. The university is buzzing with countless festivals - economics, history, english, sociology, movie screenings, dance/dramatics and what not! It does make me nostalgic. At the same time I do like being a part of this way. Especially their requests to be a judge :p Coursework is on track, but term-end is always tiring. Just the thought of all the loose ends that have to be tied together before we go in for the winter break is enough to exhaust one entirely.

This week was tiring also because RG & I were busy executing a surprise weekend getaway for the parents' anniversary. From their feedback so far, it seems to have been totally worth the effort :)

I have managed to watch a few movies, caught up with AB & D as well. AB's life has ended up getting alot messier than anyone could have imagined. Whatever happened to good things happening to good people, I wonder...

I've been surprised by myself in many ways recently. I've never been able to hide what I feel too well. But this time I seem to be setting new records for myself. While that in itself is astonishing, what's new is that somewhere I feel ok about it. Initially I did feel as though I was coming across as stupid/dumb/foolish, and while at some moments I did, usually I just feel like there's no point in holding back, in keeping it inside of me. Ofcourse the repercussions have been that the entire city has seen me grinning like a nutcase. The people at the metro station, the autowaalas, my students, colleagues, ma, friends (D said I've never looked like this!), and well a certain someone across a computer screen half way across the world.

Life can sometimes be so strange. It takes one unexpected turn and you have to figure it all out , all over again. I've realised it's best not to question some things. Sometimes you just can't do anything. Just have to let them happen. When they are meant to happen. If at all. This once, I am waiting, just to even hope/pray that it might work out...

Head over Feet

It's been long. So long that I've forgotten what it feels like. I'm surprised by the happiness. The warmth. The knowing-ness that comes with it. And fun. Loads of that! The attention & the flirting! I've been having random conversations with M, P & AB but even to them I haven't been able to convey what I feel.

I didn't expect it to happen. Not right now. Not like this! And I couldn't do anything about it. I did try to resist, but well... :)

Ipod is playing Alanis' Head over Feet...

...You treat me like I'm a princess

I'm not used to liking that

You ask how my day was

You've already won me over in spite of me

And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet

Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are

I couldn't help it

It's all your fault