You know how you suddenly have these moments of strength just when you thought everything has ended? Well I've just had mine. Ofcourse, I hope it will last beyond just tonight! But I know I will be ok. With the shift. With being alone. With having to make new friends. And TAing a class of 600! I guess it's true -

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Why do I feel like eating a whole pizza right after gymming? It defeats the purpose doesn't it? And yet almost every day I have a craving for a pizza or momos or chowmein! My mouth starts watering just at the thought of it. But then I say a 'no' to myself. Firmly. And try to find happiness in a glass of cold chocolate milk. Is this a sign of becoming older? Or wiser? :p

I also, right now, have this urge to go and crash at my nani's house. But well that's not happening soon. Atleast not till my VI later this week.

And well, today I am missing you. Sort of. Like alot.

PoA

All right. So I have about a month left at home. Here's a list of things to do (or distract :p ) -

Meet the relatives. Especially grandparents.

Stay over at naani's.

Meet the friends.

Eat gol gappas at A2B.

Go to India Gate and eat ice-cream at night.

Go to CP, especially the emporia lane.

Go to north campus one last time.

Eat at Big Chill.

Chicken rolls at priyas

Utthapams at karnataka bhawan

Momos at dilli haat

Shop at woodlands :p

Nalli & Fabindia too!

Watch a movie in the theatre

Go to the farmhouse for another sunday brunch/lunch

JNU visit

Take lots of photographs.

Turquoise Cottage (if possible!)

Say bye to the hair stylist, the waxing woman, the laundry woman and Rama.

Ma ke haath ke rajma the night before I leave.

Okkkay so alot of this has to do with food :p Anyway, still ... what the heck. Time to indulge with abandon :D

Just ...

I'm happy today :) Not that anything spectacular has happened. But I guess it's the theory of balance - when one thing goes down, something else will go up.

The sporadic shopping trips have begun. Tickets are almost booked. Been realising all the things I'll miss. Some of my students' have written in, asking me to stay back for another year. That was the most unexpected and sweetest thing to have happened since term ended. I was taken aback. But it reaffirmed my faith in my job and how it can, really, make a difference to, and touch, another young person's life in a way that probably even I had never imagined. And it felt good. Really good :)

RED!

I just love this new template :)

Broke out into a dance at the gym today :p And then bumped into a whole football team while shopping for groceries. Something about them reminded me of school. But well, if there's anyone who has earned their muscles & tshirts, it's sportsmen. And they look so sexy!

Spoke to AA today. She leaves next weekend, and so we have a farewell lined up the coming week. I was so relieved to know I'm not the only one who is unable to sleep at nights. Somehow it felt nice talking to her. Made me realise how far we've all come! All the way from our years at school to now ... and no matter what happens, these 3 people who I know always provide a voice of reason - one I can understand. So anyway, she's not going to be too far away from me. We were discussing how this shift is a whole new beginning for us - and it's probably for the best that we're still unattached! Lol! However the punchline came from AS, "bhagwaan ne US bheja bhi toh kisey - AA & S ko! Yeh toh wahan bhi kuch nahin kar payenge"! Lol! I have to agree. AS/AB would have definitely seen a lot more action had they been in our place! :)

totally random

I'm tired.

It's june and I have a list of things-to-do which seems never-ending and two days of rains were just not enough to get it all done!

But well, most of the paperwork is done. I'm finally through with the health check-up I had been postponing day after day. I got a sparkling clean bill of health. Let's hope it stays that way. Filled out a whole lot of other online things. Now if Jnu would only give me my degree....

I've also concluded that I will not be doing any more shopping. Sad but true. I don't seem to like anything in any store that i visit. So in order to make myself feel less bad about things, I am just putting a stop to the shopping trips from now on.

Next up is a long line of relatives to be visited, friends too. I am so dreading that bit. Like really really not looking forward to it. Like I wake up crying in the middle of the night - that kind of not looking forward to it.

Oh June, I wish you would slow down a bit.

Chicken little

I can't sleep. I haven't been sleeping well for a long time now. Everyday I think it might be because I slept alot during the day. But it's not that. I mean, that can't explain why I find myself in tears almost every night, way after everyone else has gone to sleep.

And well the crying itself has been so mixed up. But lately it's more and more to do with just one question - how on earth will I survive in the US? And, what on earth was I thinking that I wanted to do a Phd, and that too from so far away from home? This is what you get ms. smartypants for answering everyone who asked you 'why don't you do it from jnu?' with a 'no it just doesn't drive me enough'. Blah! Rubbish!

So my thoughts begin with how I will feel when I eventually do land in ithaca. I won't know a soul. I won't know a single street or store and I won't feel any love for any gorge or waterfall or lake that they might have there. I won't recognise a single face, I won't hear even one familiar voice, I don't even know how long it'll be before I hear someone speak hindi. I'm also scared of getting the TB test done there all alone. And what if someone breaks into my apartment one night and just kills me? This thought for some reason comes to my head every single night. Add to that things like what if I'm the dumbest in my class? And what if I don't get the E of Econometrics? What if they just ask me to go back? Or what if I just flunk.

I won't know anyone nearby at all. The closest will be a few other people a few hours away by plane on that dratted east coast. Oh god, please remind me why I was even excited about all this, ever?