:-)

And the 6th pay commission finally gets implemented for us profs! The increased income stream has begun to flow :) yayyyy!!!
So the presentation we had yesterday was when the accounts dept had Already put our salaries in our accounts....how cool is MG!

The Seed Keepers

This is a poem MG recited at one of the special assemblies we had in the last term. Something about it just so poignant and so sad... Palestine and it's olive tree...

The Seed Keepers

Fawaz Turki (born 1940)

Burn our land

burn our dream

pour acid onto our songs

cover with sawdust

the blood of our massacred people

muffle with your technology

the screams of all that is free,

wild and indigenous.

Destroy,

destroy

our grass and soil

raze to the ground

every farm and every village

our ancestors had built,

every tree, every home

every book, every law

and all the equity and harmony.

Flatten with your bombs

every valley

erase with your edits our past,

our literature; our metaphor.

Denude the forests and the earth

till no insect,

no bird

no word

can find a place to hide.

Do that and more.

I do not fear your tryanny

I do not despair ever

for I guard one seed

a little live seed

and I shall safeguard

and plant again.

College update

So this week was one that I just somehow managed to get through as far as the lectures r concerned!
All my students thought I looked sleepy/tired/dejected! 2b said they'd like it if i stayed on next year to teach them policy! A girl from 3b said she missed my lecture in the 1st period since she had a dream '...that soumya ma'am was getting married today and so she wouldn't take class!'! Lol!! Next week 2b is going to Adventure Island and has very graciously extended an invite to me! 3b and 3ab have somehow managed to come up with their project topics :) should be very interesting, what they come up with! We should hopefully get the 6th pay commission this month itself, if we r really lucky!! My indiscriminate shopping continues, blame it all on Nalli :)
Delhi winters have not gone, but they r playing tricks with us! RG ditched me and went to watch Slumdog Millionaire with his friends while i was in mumbai!! lol!!!

Am glad it's weekend. And I am so sure tomorrow I will wake up earlier that usual ;) But it's all good...things r beginning to look up :)

Hap-hap-happy!

So although this week began by being really sleepy, really really tired, and completely not in the lectures-mode, it has also been a week when I have finallyyyyy let go of certain things...and certain people. And it is just such a huge relief!

I don't know what it was about Mumbai, but it was just what I needed. And now that I think of it, was that ALL that i needed?! Being away from delhi, and everyone here...and somehow (I still dont know How) managing to block out all thoughts of work, family, and you-know-who etc... and all that while being in the company of a whole new bunch of super nice, genuinely warm and loving people...it sure did the trick I guess.

:-) Remember that song, '...i think i can make it now, the pain is gone...'...well everything suddenly seems like a '..bright sun-shiny day'!

This has been a long time coming. But now I'll be ok :) Phew...!

Post script...

All right, so here's the post script to the mumbai weekend...everything that I remember will be added to this post...
For instance, the uncle who created a symphony as a result of his classic snores! :-) And to think neha thought I was the one making all that noise!!!
Did I tell you these guys teased me about having hot chocolate? I didnt know it was off limits to proffs! ;)
And the whole bunch of the "A"ces sings really well...and they just don't get tired at all, ever!
Will post a picture or two soon....

Mumbai hangover...

So, I cancelled the first lecture today since getting out of the bed at 6.45 a.m. was just out of the question. Made it in time for the rest of the classes. Wrote a whole bunch of recommendations for 2b, and given my fuzzy head it wasn't an easy task. Discussed a case study article on poverty in Sierra Leone in the policy lecture, since obviously I didnt have a lecture prepared! For the rest of the time the class and I swapped notes on the weekend - they told me about Slumdog Millionaire (including the show timings at 3Cs!), the Nokia Star Screen Awards and associated controversies ("...and ma'am, the best was the look on john abraham's face when bipasha basu came on stage to dance..."!), and the republic day parade. I on my part updated them about the wedding, but well I could have said alot more that I did!
The college dance workshop doesnt seem too feasible, given the range of department activities planned for the coming weeks... which means looking for alternatives.

By the way did I actually write anything about the groom?! I didn't get to talk to him too much but he's nice; and this single 'nice' is meant to carry alot of weight. And they do make the perfect couple :) Both of them love to talk, love to dance, and are basically madly in love with each other!

The weather has become nice and warm. The brain was too sleepy. And the whole time my system was yearning for a bed. Div called up, wanted to meet today evening. We finally planned for tomorrow. I still have to get her a birthday present...

Mumbai with the "A"ces

So I reached mumbai for the wise one's wedding. I don't think I'm ever flying Indigo again, it nearly killed me.
Meet the family: First the very crucial, very integral component - the band of brothers! The "A"ces as I prefer to call them are truly a diverse crazy fun bunch! There's Guggu who came to pick me up at the airport and is a fellow prof. Then Tonchi (to rhyme with paunchy!), Appu (THE most adorable kiddo I've met in a long while!), Pingu (best friend and not all that irritating!), khojguru (!), the rocker from chandigarh (?) and so on... Then there were the maasis, maamas, dadi, nani, bua, taiji etc etc...and ofcourse a whole load of friends from school, DU, JNU, XIMB...every bit the big indian wedding!

The wise one looked every bit the lovely bride :) Ofcourse the parlour duty isnt easy, so she knows she will have to pitch in too, at some point of time ;) And irrespective of what was expected/what she was told, she just kept on talking and laughing - the loud voice and louder laugh that is just so her! lol!! So you had the photographer trying to make her pose, michelle trying to get her ready, and family teasing her about it, but she just kept at it :)

Spending friday night at 'Hamla' was quite something, especially the beach! That apart, there was the extended enagement outing at juhu beach on saturday night, where someone who was dying to eat a vada-pau at 2 a.m. realised he didnt like it all that much. That was followed by coffee 'shots'! After the wedding we headed to Leela and hit the buffet a little before 6am! That did include hot chocolate for some of us :)

The wise one's family is one big happy unit, and it's nice how everyone from the oldest to the youngest is a part of everything. The match ofcourse is perfect :) Couldn't be better! And honestly, I hadn't expected to meet so many so-nice people in a span of just 3 days! :)
Tomorrow it's back to work, and I haven't prepared a single word! I actually managed to follow prag's advice, and didn't think of college at all! Ab kal kya ho, kisne jaana...

pre-departure

Finallyyyy friday...
Almost all my students have booked their tickets for Slumdog Millionaire! And NS said we should have a faculty outing for the movie, and some lunch :) I'll be missing the second dance class too, and I have a feeling it wont work out, given the whole load of dept events coming up.

One girl from each of the 2nd n 3rd yrs has her bday today, so there was a chorous of "happy bday to you..." in both my classes! And some girls from 2b need a recco for an exchange programme that the college has with NUS, I found it so hard to write one! A few from 3b wondered aloud why I've been looking so low in the 3rd term, "maam is it because of us?!" , I found it so sweet....

Nam is off to bangalore this weekend. The rest will be in town. Prag told me to 'not think about classes and lectures in mumbao', and then we both had a good laugh at the futility of that statement! Sending parents to Sariska, with mamu's family.... RG came over yesterday for a few hours, but then left cuz he had night duty...
The weather's become warm, and there are crazy traffic jams everywhere becuase of traffic diversions for the parade rehearsals....
Spoke to the wise one, she's being pampered thoroughly :) And her bro will meet me at the airport. Now have to pack. More on my return. Till then, happy Jan 26th :)

random..

Two calls from pardes in two days....!
w.r.t. the First, Here's a biiig hug and "mubaarakaan" to the Stanford-phd :) now a legitimate one!! ;) Although I couldn't help but comment "I told you so"! He and and his friends sure have earned the right to party in a big way today! :)

w.r.t the second, just when I had decided to pull back in an attempt to let go, someone called up yesterday. मतलब हद है. वैसे तो चुप चाप बैठे रहो. मगर जब मैं चुप रहने का डिसीजन लू तो फ़ोन लगाओ ताकि कोई चैन से तुम्हे भूल भी न सके.... उफ ... But I have to admit, in this crazy distracted week, this phone call was the only one that seemed real and normal. The rest of it was a case of 'I'm here but I'm really gone...'...

Three, AB has been forwarding some emails. And exchanging some messages. Ofcourse anyone can put a smiley in an sms, so I dont really know whats going on. Funny how we don't have much to talk about now that the topic of male species is off the table!

Four, I am so looking forward to bombay....so so so so looking forward to it...

An annonymous comment?! Ha! sure as hell made my day...

Anyway as much as it probably does make sense, I am not in a frame of mind to reason things out that way. And thankfully I've gotten to know of some other people who are feeling the exact same everything-is-messed-up feeling - atleast w.r.t M-age. And the ones who aren't are evidently no where close to even thinking about tying the knot. Not trying to draw any causality, but correlation maybe? As for discussing it with people who might be free of biases, it doesn't help :) Been there, done that.

खैर जो भी है, सहना तो पड़ेगा!! और ये सब बातें होनी होंगी, तभी होंगी...तब तक सहते रहो...येही तुम्हारा कर्म है

I have been so distracted all week long. I let off all my tute-groups, and the only time I actually concentrated was during my lectures, which also I don't know how! However something tells me the curve is about to move upward again. Theory of balance as always.

Ma's had some trouble at her school. Her useless staff sent off a letter to the DoE, all allegations, all false. Ungrateful bastards all of them. I've toh told her to go and give them a taste of their own medicine tomorrow. Actually माँ की problem के बारे में सुन के मेरा सारा गुस्सा उनके staff की तरफ़ direct हो गया है. Plus I'm excited that friday is just round the corner. Mumbai, मैं आ रही हूँ :) And you might as well know, those snaps of mine which they'd taken at bhaiyya's wedding haven't come out all that bad ;)

That apart, tomorrow the dance workshop begins :) And they want me to interview ppl for the ecosoc ed-board! And it seems someone in bangalore is writing a novel :) And Slumdog Millionaire is releasing this weekend :) Most of my students have already booked their tickets! And well basically, why should I run after him at all....if friendship is what he wants, then that's what he'll get. I still hate the world a bit though.

about contradictions...

I am confused. And I think I am contradiction. Really. I don't understand how else could I feel such ambivalence.
So this is about the inevitable M-age. Another meeting is coming up. Thankfully I'll be in mumbai so I'm spared some of that anxiety. And when Ma told me about it, I was all calm and composed...till she said 'it's better you tell me what you're actually feeling than make that face which anyway shows you're upset'! Lol!!

See, I know it will work out in the end. Atleast I believe it will. And I do honestly feel that it can, for two people who otherwise have no clue about each other until then. Plus to the maximum extent possible, I know that it will be checked, re-checked and verified in the most extensive manner possible. And yes, I will have the veto power.

But...still...why do I then feel that it will never happen that way? Everytime someone mentions a match to me, I feel that at the end of the day it will not be taken forward to that final step. Often because I will be the one not thinking it worth its while. And it's not just about the-one-in-the-new-place anymore. It's an inter-family thing after all. And everything will change, in a big big way!!! And well... kaise hoga sab kuch mujhse?! It will be an over-use of the veto, the way I see it. Honestly, even I wouldnt want to over use it so much!
And you know that the worst is? I'm not even sure of what it is I'm looking for in a person! Is it things I (thought I ) saw in the-one-in-the-new-place? Or are there things I'd like different? Was he even the one? And if he wasn't, why am I not entirely convinced about it? Ofcourse there are days when I think I've got him and me all figured out, and that we're (best?) friends etc...but there are an equal number of days when I'm like I dont want to be his best friend!!! I just dont! Best friend बनाना है तो किसी और को बनाओ, मुझे क्यूँ? और मुझे कोई अच्छा लगना था तोह वोह ही क्यूँ, और कोई क्यूँ नहीं ?

I doubt if anyone is even reading this! Not that it matters. It's better than discussing it with people, since after a point, no one can understand unless they go through it themselves (and even then I'm sure people would handle it much better than I am!). मुझसे पागल तोह शायद ही कोई होगा ....उफ्फ्फ ...

P.S There was a SpicMacay program at college yesterday - Pt.Birju Maharaj and Rajan & Sajan Misra. It was very nice but I am not in mood to write about it abhi.

Dilli Haat

So I finally pushed myself to go hunt for a wedding present for the wise one. Since I leave for mumbai on friday, today was the only day! And I realised a few weeks down the line another one is trying the knot, so that made it two wedding gifts...
Without thinking too much I went to Dilli Haat. And I swear, I have never everrrr seen it the way it was today! There were just so many people! School kids, univ students, couples - young and old, indians, foreigners, nuclear families, joint families....the place was jam packed!! Add to that the special woollen things from Himachal, which I so absolutely love. Add to that a whole lot of Chanderi stuff :) And such amazing durries... and some other things, which are always there - the crafts from rajasthan, the silver jewellery, the Madhubani paintings, Kashmiri stalls, the food stalls, the indian toy-waalahs....

The weather was good too! It rained last night, and inspite of that the day was just warmer than ever before, for a winter day! D called up while I was there. There will be another visit to dilli haat in the coming week...!

Picked up some nice things for the two brides-to-be. And couldn't resist picking up a Kullu shawl for myself...
What IS it about shopping that just uplifts your mood?!

hmm

The weather has become awfully gloomy since yesterday. Cloudy and foggy and dull.

For someone it's been a while in a new place. And suddenly I found myself missing him quite a bit, a few days back. Was reminded of that song ki line, 'people are walking, leaving behind, someone who wants them to stay....'

RG's unit in the surgery dept lost a patient. A first for him. Poor kid... After all, as ma said, he is still a bachha....

Haven't a clue about what wedding present to get for the wise one. Even though every possible shop selling every possible thing is on crazy discounts in the city right now.

Ohhhh, forgot the good news :) the dance society at college is organising a 3 week dance workshop for faculty! :) Lol! It did create a lot of conversation in the staff/study room! Needless to say I went ahead and signed up. Just what I needed.

Mrs. Prince...

Life is weird. Just when I thought I had it somewhat figured out, and somewhat in control, I was proved wrong.

Mrs.Prince passed away. As it turns out, in October. It's unfortunate we had to hear of it in response to the xmas-new year greetings we sent to the Princes' of Kodai a few weeks back. She had been unwell for a really really long time. The news has dampened my spirits.

Mr Prince was the one who introduced a whole bunch of us to the world of clarinets, flutes, piccolos, trumpets etc some 12-15 years back at ISG...He was the funnest teacher one could have had for music, and is the only reason RG and I still play our instruments on the odd occassion, and sometimes despite the lack of an occasion. He was, and still is, like a grandfather to most of us, and Mrs Prince was a true darling. We'd meet her at their house in the evenings, and trust me, she made the most amazing sandwiches!

After our return from Muscat, we still did keep in touch. Infact they were the only ones through who the tradition of letters was kept alive for me - ofcourse now mr prince has adapted to the e-mail pretty well! They moved from Muscat to the Kodaikanal International School. Over the years there have been countless letters, cards, and phonecalls to keep up with each others' lives.

You know how you meet some people in your life, and irrespective of everything, they just touch your life in such a meaningful way that while you can't always put it across in words, you feel it run through your veins each time you are reminded of them. That's the way it has been with the Princes'. Two of the kindest, gentlest, most loving souls I have ever met, and the honour & privilege has been entirely mine.

I can only hope that wherever she is, Mrs Prince is finally free of all the 'aches and pains'. And maybe this time I/we will plan that trip to Kodai. Last, but not the least, I hope there's another set of people, just like them, ready to make the world a little more magical for some lucky kids in the coming years.

"Glide!...Glide!"

It's been just two of days of being back at work, and suddenly everything else seems less relevant and less important than life at college. I've finally finished grading all the scripts, and it was one of those on-top-of-the-world feelings! Distributing them in class was a completely insane task, with half of them unable to understand 'why' they got 'such less marks'! Apart from that, it's back to the lectures-grind. The backpack is filled with readings, articles, books, exam papers etc, and carrying it makes me feel as if I'm off to a war-zone!... but, standing and managing to deliver multiple lectures of 55 mins each gives me a reealllly nice feeling :)

We're starting with a section on 'state and market' in policy, and thankfully it's from the Economics -AVSI. For the uninitiated, AVSI is a series published by the Oxford Univ'Press (OUP) - 'A Very Small Introduction' :) The discussion on the kinds of institutions was made interesting today with a reference to how marriage is seen as a formal institution while a live-in relationship is an informal institution! ;) Globalisation kids are studying international labour flows, thats not too bad. I've been trying to locate some case studies for them on the internet, but abhi tak toh koi mili nahin... Tomorrow my first lecture is indian economic history :-(((( IEH is painful, and more so when its the first thing in the morning!!!

Dilli ki sardi is in full swing, and absolutely fabulous! I've been dying to take a few lectures out in the open but the lawns are covered with dewdrops for most part of the morning...lets see, tomorrow might be warmer!

Oh by the way I did a some more shopping last weekend. Seriously, I seem to be doing way too much shopping lately! lol! So anyway bought myself some new footwear, very girly and very elegant...although that is so not what I felt as I walked in them in the corridors! I was reminded of how in 'Miss Congeniality' that guy Victor teaches Gracie to "glide"! ;)

Victor Melling: Glide! Glide! Don't pick your feet up. Don't, don't... Why are you picking your feet up?
Gracie Hart: Because I'm preparing to run away!

...What wouldnt I have given for a pair of sneakers or flats at that moment... ..however I am on the job, a measley pair of shoes isnt going to win this battle!

Surprise...!

Don't you just love surprises?!
A few hours back I found a package in the mailbox downstairs, all the way from Nikki, who I met at the AIUYF in Australia last summer! Nikki was one of the nicest, most genuine people I met there, and a whole lot of fun! And she's Tall too!!! She's send a CD of the photos and a card, and all I could think of was, awww she actually remembered?! :)

There's something so nice and warm about surprises isn't it? That people actually take some time out to remember you.... like when the Stanford-PhD called up this new year! Who would have ever thought that we'd still be in touch, after all those years of middle-school in Muscat....

Dinner was good, RG was full of stories from the surgery ward! The best was about a woman who wondered how much ransom we'd be willing to pay if she kidnapped him! Lol!!

Back to work!

College reopened today. And with that it was back to reality. Especially having to wake up early morning! It was sooo cold! And for some reason there was this crazy voltage fluctuation in the morning, so the heaters were not working.

It was grand to be back even though the guards still insist on me being a student! 3b, 2b and 3ab were pretty much there. 2b seems to feel I've marked them 'not so leniently'! If i had my way i would have done some negative marking too, for all the "irrelevant" things they wrote. The atmosphere in college was one of people coming back after a nice long period of rest :) Everyone was swapping news, and generally finishing the odd admin work required of us.

Oh and guess what? I seem to have forgotten the pin of my ATM card! Who does that???! I felt so ultra stupid, having to tell the bank manager about it! Anyway I think I've recalled it so will test it on monday.

Went for this crazy lunch with family friends yesterday. My favourite-est twins were there (P&S), who are the very few people who have consistently called me 'tiya didi' ;-) They along with T&T asked me non-stop about being a lecturer, that too at the place that I am! I found it amusing, to say the least!

Then went and bought myself some stuff from Woodland, my absolute favourite brand! Just love their basic cuts, style and colour tones...

The weather today is nice. Cold but nice. The kind where you just want to walk for miles and miles. Meeting RG today, at dinner with family. Poor thing's been stuck with 24hr duties in the surgery ward ever since his internship began!

By the way, the NSD theatre fest has begun...will probably go and catch a few plays this weekend :)

Catching up with M was like re-living those insane JNU days! And of all the people who could have helped plug the 'communication gap' w.r.t recent happenings, it had to be her, the angel-in-disguise that she is! (Too much ho gaya, m?!) Ofcourse while she started off trying to defend my case, soon enough she found it too much to handle ;) but well... then we went for dinner to the Meridian (!), which for some reason has the most hideous decor you could imagine for a hotel it's size.

That apart, sometimes a sorry can't fix things. Atleast not instantly.

I want college to reopen. Wish friday would come soon. Too much idle time. Too much of uselessness. And I fought (?) with AB... I really want to get back to work. Through with two bundles of grading midterm answer scripts, it was quite a torture! Left with one last bundle...30 scripts, 5 questions, with sub-parts....

I just want to get back to college, even studying for lectures is better than this. Going to get myself a big bar of chocolate now.

M is back in town! She's coming over tomorrow, after JNU. Looking forward to exchanging notes on madness with her..

Love...Whatever...

I have been pleasantly surprised by the number of people who've actually read some of the posts here! And everyone's (politely) asked me on email about the 'fell in love' episode. So I shall set that record straight. One, he was not the guy in Denmark. Two, it wasn't one of those love at first sight things, infact quite the opposite! Three, lets C, he didn't feel the same way. Four, a whole bunch of friends and family have begun the 'you deserve better' drill. Five, that drill has failed miserably so far. Sixth, there honestly is an ache in your heart when it breaks. And that is that.

On a tangent, the process for filtering out a potential suitable boy has begun. Honestly I dont have any problems with that. I know people involved in the process will not rest till they find the best ;) And as the whole world has told me, the final decision rests with me. Having said that, I can safely say going through this process Is Not Easy. I'd aways assumed this whole thing would Just Happen...arre, aisa nahin hota!

I have a hundred doubts and a zillion anxities running through my mind. Up until now I felt that as long as I was able to do everything for myself by myself, things were in place. Now however even though I know I can manage by myself, I feel myself wishing for someone's companionship! I'd really like someone to talk and listen to, to hold hands and walk with, to go out for a movie/coffee...And this is a new realization for me. With which have cropped up tons of questions about the possibility of meeting someone brand new! I mean, how will I know? (AB says I will 'just' know!). And what will I say to him when I meet him for the first time?! Aur agar koi mila hi nahin??! And from recent experience, what if i really really like him but he doesnt? And kuch aur aise sawaal hain jinko yahan likhne mein embarrasment hogi! Last but not the least, as a very wise person (she's tying the knot on the 25th of this month!) told me, this is also a time to really think about what it is that I am looking for in a person - you would think that would be the simplest of things, but the criteria seem to change each time the wind blows.

Sometimes the possibility of meeting someone, and starting off with a new friendship and love seems super pleasant! But at other times it seems downright impossible. Today has been one of those days. And to top it all off, one of my favourite engineer's just brought up the idea of a mr-right-now....Uffff...

"It's that time of the year again...happy new year"!

It's almost 1.30 pm as I write this. I feel that waking up post-noon on the first day of the new year is the best possible way to just enjoy that 'Jan 1st' feeling!

Yesterday night was easily the coldest we've had this winter in Delhi, and the 'aag' and 'angeethis' in the park downstairs added the much needed warmth to the 'party' as they called it. Good food, great music and a complete lack of soft drinks pretty much sums up last night for me. After that, the cellphone was put on the 'silent' mode and off to bed i went.


12.30 pm on Jan 1st, I woke up. Very sleepy but very very very cosy in the razayi. The cellphone showed heaps of missed calls and new messages. One of which was from M, and every bit what one would expect from her - "so dude, it's that time of the year again....Happy New Year!"

I think those two lines conveyed just so much. Explicitly it was an acceptance that irrespective of what we might wish for, the old year has gone, and the new is here to stay for some 300 odd days. Implicit in it was the 'here we go again' thought - here we go again -wishing; wanting; hoping against all hope, to the extent of invoking the 'pleeeese God pleeeese' mantra. trying to achieve (with different levels of effort each time!); succeeding; failing, and all the while trying to 'understand' what it's all about, this 'life, the universe and everything' (D.Adams)

So to whoever is reading this, I hope you had an interesting new year's eve, and I truly hope 2009 is good to you. Happy new year, with lots of love!