waiiiiiiiitttinggg

Alright. So I've been putting this off for quite a bit, but this is it. Really. I've been waiting to hear about my apps for the past few months now. The good bit is that not so many rejections till now means I would have survived several rounds of those, by now. The not so good news is that the wait is driving me nuts. It doesn't help that I had the week off from work.

I tried to keep myself busy, I really did. But honestly, nothing has worked. I pick up a book only to put it down after struggling to read a few pages. I begin a movie and pause it a zillion times just to check my email. I've been out with friends, but the whole time just thinking of what time and day it would be in several places in the US and therefore would there possibly be someone who would send out an email just when I'm not at home! I've begun sleeping alot more just to stop thinking about it, but now I'm just very over-slept and little else.

I don't want to talk to anyone about it. There really isn't much that people can say which they haven't already. I also don't have any answers to others who have begun enquiring about the status of the applications.

It's the worst kind of wait ever. Worse than the time I submitted the apps. Worse than most other things i don't like. It's a kind of anxiety you can understand only if you've been through this process. Why is it taking them so long? What if I don't make it? Am I really not that competent? What was I even thinking, applying there in the first place?! I couldn't be that bad an applicant, could I? What about funding?

Aaaaahhhh.... please god please (as M would say). Please! Just let me know. Whatever it is, just let me know. Please ...