I think I've hit a moment of clarity. Phew! I so badly needed it. What with thoughts of having to leave, the PhD and everything else that could happen along the way, I really really needed this semblance of sanity. And I have got it back.

Reminds me of what Christopher Robin says to Pooh -

“Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."