If there is one thing I have learnt in this arranged - marriage process, it is this. I have hated it, resisted it, looked down upon it, even loathed it sometimes. Yet today I feel like I've gotten to know how it works. And at the end of almost 10 months of it, I can still proudly hold my head up amidst the sea of supposedly-eligible men and say that I deserve better. I remember thinking how no man could ever be good enough. It was something that I just implicitly assumed, never bothering to delve deeper for concrete reasons. Today though I know why. Maybe that's something this process teaches you? To re-discover a little bit of yourself as you try to discover someone else.
I still recall the first day Ma began making the phonecalls. I was in tears within 5 minutes! I felt terrified of everything. The prospect of having to meet a complete stranger and his family scared me to pieces. I didn't know what I would say to him. I mean, how on earth would I ever have a conversation with a complete stanger? Add to that the anxiety of meeting his parents. It wasn't easy. The first two times I was trembling as I went in to meet them! But it has gotten better along the way. If anything, atleast I know how to keep a conversation going for around 1.5 hrs with someone who I just don't know! But that's not the only development. I've learned not to take offense so easily. I've learned to give people the benefit of the doubt. I've learned that good looks are really not everything. I've also learned that a man's shoes say alot about him!! I've learned how to ask probing questions without seeming too blunt - or to not feel so bad about questions that turn out to be not so subtle. I've also learned how to handle some very personal, and still painful, questions.
The stars seem to have changed their alignment since lately I have met some nice guys. Now I'm learning not to keep those hopes too high up (although deep inside I can't seem to let go of the optimism!). Yet I know I'm now strong enough to survive the disappointment, should it arise.
